Course of Human Events

englishlawstudent:

Will sober up tomorrow morning.

Oh my God I’m done.

And just walk away.

Am the only one that misses Empire Stadium? I seriously can’t be the only one who looks at that thing that they call Wembley and thinks it’s not the same. Its not the hallowed turf. It’s not the place were 100,000 people crammed into to watch the White Horse final. Its not the place where Bobby Moore lifted the Jules Rimet Trophy. Its not the place where Trevor Brooking scored that goal against Arsenal in the 1980 FA cup final.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not that old but I was fortunate to go to the Empire Stadium before they tore it down. And I still get chills down my spine whenever I go near the new place.

But It’s just not the same.

I can’t be the only one?

I stare into the darkness. My mind once again swimming, this time not filled with thoughts of you but the awful stupid thing I did.

I’m secretly grateful that you’re out of my head but I hate myself for thinking it. I knew she had a boyfriend when she offered to come back to mine.

I didn’t care.

I just needed someone else. Someone else to focus on for an evening so I wasn’t dreaming of you anymore.

The others hate me for what happened. Some won’t talk to me. Some can’t even look at me. Others understand, or they say they do. That you were fresh in my mind. That I was lonely and so was she. But there’s still an underlying hate, they don’t say it out loud but I can see it in their eyes. I’ve disappointed them, They thought I was better than that.

I want to tell you. I want to tell you what I’ve done. I want to hurt you like you hurt me but at the same time I know you can make the guilt go away.

I pull up a fresh text message on my phone and explain what happened. My finger hovers over the send button reading through it again and again until finally, I close my eyes, draw a deep breath and clamp my finger down on the screen.

5 Minutes pass, No reply.

10 Minutes.

20.

Nothing. Don’t you care? What you did put us in this position and now you don’t care? Did you ever care about me? You know what I must be feeling. 

Anger wells up inside me. I try and find some way of blaming you for this. I can’t. I know this mistake is on me and I have to deal with it and whatever may happen because of it. 

Slowly I rise off the bed and wonder to the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind me.